So; a little background - I was a step-mum first then a 'real' mummy. Honestly: in my own head I told myself (and anyone that would listen) that I treated my step-kids the same way that I'd treat my own..... I was WRONG. And no - as much as a bitch I can be - I'm not the 'evil stepmother' some may guess I could be ... In fact I am far more lenient on my stepkids than I'd ever be on 'ours'. And the pure reason for that is FEAR. I fear being disliked by them, I fear being branded as the evil witch of a step mum, and I fear the repercussions that have often come my way when I've 'dared' enforce rules in our house that both me and hubby have agreed upon (from the ex).
So I'm just putting it out there to the universe..... why oh why do step-parents sometimes get made to feel like prisoners/ visitors in their own home? Ok... I get that i'm not their parent - but I am a care-giver and I love them so much; but I only ever put my foot down for their/ others own good. In fact I go out of my way to be 'cool'....... I take them snorkelling, to animal parks, surfing, bike riding, I talk about chicks & bore them senseless with 'back in my day' stories etc.
And yet.... I feel like I can't say as I feel to them; and I'm sure they feel the same way - I'm sure some days they tiptoe around me and are unsure which is the correct way to react. Yesterday for instance: I asked them 'Shall we get KFC for lunch?' - which is a TOTAL treat..... all I got was 'Erm I suppose so'.... when I queried further and asked 'Well; would you rather something else' all I got was 'No, that will do'........ ok then...... !!!!! There was no 'sick, awesome, yeah' that they give their dad (their natural father) ..... remind me next time to ask if they'd like tofu burgers!!!
We explicitily told the 'steppies' when we got together that I'm not their parent and I'm not trying to replace their mum (who 1 of them lives with).... that I'm their friend and they can come to me with anything. This has at times been used to 'dish' whatever is worrying them at the time (too afraid to tell their Dad so they tell me ... as their moderator who will inevitably tell their dad but I'm their buffer).
I guess in a 'perfect' world I just want some respect as an adult and care-giver. I think if I'm good enough to pay for it (clothing, food, housing etc), then I should at least have some say in my own house. If I'm enough of an 'adult' to look after them on my own (der) then I should be able to discipline as I've agreed with my partner.
I admit a few tiffs have already eventuated from 'his' kids getting preferential treatment as opposed to 'ours' and I think that's bull! I don't want 'better' treatment for 'our' kids but I think it should be consistent and across the board. If that's your belief as far as expectations and discipline are - then roll it out to all and sundry I say.
Anyway - that is all for tonight - I'm off to phone my own stepfather and apologise for years of torment (again), and how much of a 'nobody' we must have made him feel at times when really all he ever wanted was the best - as I do now for my own.
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