Just a small amount of the stupid things I do daily - and yes I'm a REAL blonde. I like to think of myself as intelligent; but really I'm just a well-read eeijit who is addicted to Ninemsn, AdelaideNow, TMZ and at 28 I read the 'Dear Editor' of the newspaper first (and love it) and secretly want a radio in my kitchen so I can listen to ABC News.
PREGNANT BRAIN
God I could write several books on the silly things I did while preggo brained - here are 2:
Grocery Shopping: After finishing work and going on maternity leave I went into full-blown 'nesting' mode (it wasn't 'real' nesting .... it was pretend - in the hope that I'd go into labour soon cos I freaken despise being pregnant!). Anyway one day I bought a whole bunch of groceries including lots of baking items. (I don't cook - I bake) And I'm pretty good at it. I don't eat sweet things though which is the strange thing about it!
Off I went in my zen like fat-preggo trance having paid for said groceries. Got home and unpacked - only to notice a few things missing. Fast forward 10 mins later and I'd only taken 1 bag from Woolies instead of the 5 I'd actually bought.
Rang hubby in frantic preggo bawling state and when he got home I made him phone the supermarket. They couldn't find the bags (lucky someone scored shitloads of groceries). Thankfully I still had the receipt so I highlighted missing items (LOTS) and hubby went down to Woolies. Unfortunately he had to then go around and find exact items and they gave to him (for no charge).
I was devastated and felt like a right idiot. Poor hubby had worked 12 hours and come home to sort out my lunacy! *it's ok though - he's well acclimatised to my lunacy now* Hahahahaha.
~~~~~
Lasagne: My sister LOVES this story. She thinks it's one of the funniest things ever - and she once told me that whenever someone mentions lasagne or being pregnant she retells it. Thanks El Innocento!
As I stated previously; I don't cook. And it's not because I can't, it's becuase I dislike it. I have a very short attention span in the kitchen.... hubby has taken 5 years to teach me basics - and that consists of 4 different types of roast (Pork, Chicken, Lamb and Beef). Still - I require supervision!
Anyway whilst pregnant I got it into my silly head that I would attempt to make a homemade lasagne when the stepkids were over for the weekend. I bought all the ingredients and made the Bechamel Sauce (which in itself is a major accomplishment for me) from scratch.
I'm not exactly sure what happened next (I personally blame interruptions from hubby!) but just as I put the 'lasagne' in the oven I realised "SHIIIITTT"..... I'd put the bottom layer of pasta in and the top but none in the middle at all.
About halfway through it's cooking time I confessed my culinary sin to hubby (he's a home gourmet chef extraordinaire) and he just looked at me with a funny expression on his face and said 'That's ok baby, I'm sure it will be fine.
I tentatively served it up to the kids and hubby and waited for a reaction. Of which I got plenty: "Mmmmm this is the BEST lasagne I've had" said one. "Yeah it's so tasty and I love the cheese on top" said the other. It wasn't until they continued complimenting and one said "Yep you can't even tell you stuffed it up" that I realised hubby had debriefed them outside to not 'diss' my cooking. I cried for a little bit afterwards (pregnancy hormones).
In all honesty though I would probably would do the same non-pregnant. I just don't have the 'gene' to be a good cook. My sister got all those (along with a few other genes I'd like too!)
~~~~~~~
NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH
We live in a small town of about 15,000 and it took some getting used to to live next door to retired farmers and older churchy ladies who have nothing better to do than 'curtain twitch'.
Lawnmower: One day after Baby H was born (she was about 3 months old) I decided to do a nice thing and mow the lawns for hubby - he'd been working lots of hours afterall and they desperately needed doing. So I installed DSS (13yo) to play with Master 2 while I did them (baby H was asleep).
We have a raised lawnbed (and steep driveway) so I lugged the lawnmower over the sleepers and followed hubby's instructions to turn it on...... 10 minutes later the stupid friggen thing still wouldn't start! I was sweating like a pig yanking that damn cord and looking to neighbours windows to see if any were looking and if maybe they'd help me.....
After 20 minutes I'd given up - I was spent. I dragged it back up the driveway and as I got it under the verandah I thought 'One more pull ... just to see'. Lo and behold it started immediately. WTF!!? I figured out for myself that the rotars (is that what they're called) wouldn't turn because the grass was so thick - it needed to be on cement/ paving to start.
Anyway I did the front lawn but could NOT be buggered doing the back (espec with our 300 rottweiller poos to pick up) Merry Christmas hubby - I did your chore!
2 days later hubby got caught out front gas-bagging to neighbour (lets call him Gaz). Gaz looks at my shoddy lawn mowing skills and says to hubby "I see the Mrs has done your lawn mate - watched her for ages trying to start the mower". BASTARD!!!
He could have at least come and offered help after he'd change his undies wetting himself laughing at me.
(PS I love Gaz - he's hilarious and helpful and his wife is a sweetie).
Drivers Ed: The other day I left the kids at home with hubby and went to the supermarket on my own (YEPS it rocked!!!) On my way home I was driving a backstreet and there was a delivery van parked on my side of the road (lucky bastard!) .... I indicated to overtake as no cars were coming and drove past.
At that very moment a plastic bucket blew right in front of me and under the car (it was blowing a gale); at first I thought 'no matter it will come out the other end'. The sound coming from under the car said something different - a disgusting scraping noise; and even though I drove for a few metres it didn't come out! I passed a driving instructor in her car and she looked like she was about to laugh; so I pulled over and inspected.
Arse up and head under the car neighbour 'Gaz' toots his horn next to me and says 'What have you done now Miss?!' ...... I was so embarrassed and flustered that I said 'Oh a stupid fucking bucket flew out in front of me and went under the fucking car and now I can't get the fucking thing out'. Haha (not).
Gaz said 'reverse into that side street.... it should come out.... and if it doesn't I'll drive there too and I'll get it out for you'. Knight in shining armour! I reversed as told and it didn't come out - so he got down and yanked it from under the chassis. 'Well you stuffed the bucket' he said and handed to me and went on his way.
I drove home - no more noises from under the car but definately a few shades redder.
**I still have the bucket.**
~~~~
PREGNANT BRAIN
God I could write several books on the silly things I did while preggo brained - here are 2:
Grocery Shopping: After finishing work and going on maternity leave I went into full-blown 'nesting' mode (it wasn't 'real' nesting .... it was pretend - in the hope that I'd go into labour soon cos I freaken despise being pregnant!). Anyway one day I bought a whole bunch of groceries including lots of baking items. (I don't cook - I bake) And I'm pretty good at it. I don't eat sweet things though which is the strange thing about it!
Off I went in my zen like fat-preggo trance having paid for said groceries. Got home and unpacked - only to notice a few things missing. Fast forward 10 mins later and I'd only taken 1 bag from Woolies instead of the 5 I'd actually bought.
Rang hubby in frantic preggo bawling state and when he got home I made him phone the supermarket. They couldn't find the bags (lucky someone scored shitloads of groceries). Thankfully I still had the receipt so I highlighted missing items (LOTS) and hubby went down to Woolies. Unfortunately he had to then go around and find exact items and they gave to him (for no charge).
I was devastated and felt like a right idiot. Poor hubby had worked 12 hours and come home to sort out my lunacy! *it's ok though - he's well acclimatised to my lunacy now* Hahahahaha.
~~~~~
Lasagne: My sister LOVES this story. She thinks it's one of the funniest things ever - and she once told me that whenever someone mentions lasagne or being pregnant she retells it. Thanks El Innocento!
As I stated previously; I don't cook. And it's not because I can't, it's becuase I dislike it. I have a very short attention span in the kitchen.... hubby has taken 5 years to teach me basics - and that consists of 4 different types of roast (Pork, Chicken, Lamb and Beef). Still - I require supervision!
Anyway whilst pregnant I got it into my silly head that I would attempt to make a homemade lasagne when the stepkids were over for the weekend. I bought all the ingredients and made the Bechamel Sauce (which in itself is a major accomplishment for me) from scratch.
I'm not exactly sure what happened next (I personally blame interruptions from hubby!) but just as I put the 'lasagne' in the oven I realised "SHIIIITTT"..... I'd put the bottom layer of pasta in and the top but none in the middle at all.
About halfway through it's cooking time I confessed my culinary sin to hubby (he's a home gourmet chef extraordinaire) and he just looked at me with a funny expression on his face and said 'That's ok baby, I'm sure it will be fine.
I tentatively served it up to the kids and hubby and waited for a reaction. Of which I got plenty: "Mmmmm this is the BEST lasagne I've had" said one. "Yeah it's so tasty and I love the cheese on top" said the other. It wasn't until they continued complimenting and one said "Yep you can't even tell you stuffed it up" that I realised hubby had debriefed them outside to not 'diss' my cooking. I cried for a little bit afterwards (pregnancy hormones).
In all honesty though I would probably would do the same non-pregnant. I just don't have the 'gene' to be a good cook. My sister got all those (along with a few other genes I'd like too!)
~~~~~~~
NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH
We live in a small town of about 15,000 and it took some getting used to to live next door to retired farmers and older churchy ladies who have nothing better to do than 'curtain twitch'.
Lawnmower: One day after Baby H was born (she was about 3 months old) I decided to do a nice thing and mow the lawns for hubby - he'd been working lots of hours afterall and they desperately needed doing. So I installed DSS (13yo) to play with Master 2 while I did them (baby H was asleep).
We have a raised lawnbed (and steep driveway) so I lugged the lawnmower over the sleepers and followed hubby's instructions to turn it on...... 10 minutes later the stupid friggen thing still wouldn't start! I was sweating like a pig yanking that damn cord and looking to neighbours windows to see if any were looking and if maybe they'd help me.....
After 20 minutes I'd given up - I was spent. I dragged it back up the driveway and as I got it under the verandah I thought 'One more pull ... just to see'. Lo and behold it started immediately. WTF!!? I figured out for myself that the rotars (is that what they're called) wouldn't turn because the grass was so thick - it needed to be on cement/ paving to start.
Anyway I did the front lawn but could NOT be buggered doing the back (espec with our 300 rottweiller poos to pick up) Merry Christmas hubby - I did your chore!
2 days later hubby got caught out front gas-bagging to neighbour (lets call him Gaz). Gaz looks at my shoddy lawn mowing skills and says to hubby "I see the Mrs has done your lawn mate - watched her for ages trying to start the mower". BASTARD!!!
He could have at least come and offered help after he'd change his undies wetting himself laughing at me.
(PS I love Gaz - he's hilarious and helpful and his wife is a sweetie).
Drivers Ed: The other day I left the kids at home with hubby and went to the supermarket on my own (YEPS it rocked!!!) On my way home I was driving a backstreet and there was a delivery van parked on my side of the road (lucky bastard!) .... I indicated to overtake as no cars were coming and drove past.
At that very moment a plastic bucket blew right in front of me and under the car (it was blowing a gale); at first I thought 'no matter it will come out the other end'. The sound coming from under the car said something different - a disgusting scraping noise; and even though I drove for a few metres it didn't come out! I passed a driving instructor in her car and she looked like she was about to laugh; so I pulled over and inspected.
Arse up and head under the car neighbour 'Gaz' toots his horn next to me and says 'What have you done now Miss?!' ...... I was so embarrassed and flustered that I said 'Oh a stupid fucking bucket flew out in front of me and went under the fucking car and now I can't get the fucking thing out'. Haha (not).
Gaz said 'reverse into that side street.... it should come out.... and if it doesn't I'll drive there too and I'll get it out for you'. Knight in shining armour! I reversed as told and it didn't come out - so he got down and yanked it from under the chassis. 'Well you stuffed the bucket' he said and handed to me and went on his way.
I drove home - no more noises from under the car but definately a few shades redder.
**I still have the bucket.**
~~~~
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