This week has been pretty hilarious in general. A lot of it is incredibly embarressing but share and share alike I say. I'm pretty sure I'm the biggest dag I know and therefore I have no shame. Well that's not true; I do have shame. But I relish the idea that I'm 'only human' and these experiences will keep me giggling until I'm well and truly old and crotchety or at least until the children turn 18 and I can embarress them in equal measures (not that I don't do a good enough job of that myself).
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BARBIE FASHIONISTA
This week yet ANOTHER Barbie prize turned up - a Barbie Fashionista. As the packaging was damaged I decided to keep it (rather than regift or sell) and gave to the kids to play with. Also I'm trying in vain to teach Master 2 some gentle role play. Instead of the same old 'dinosaur bite you - you BLEED!' garb.
Upon Master 2 waking from his afternoon nap I introduced him to his new 'dolly' and he was very excited much to manly man hubby's disappointment. I undid it from it's packaging (harder than it seems let me tell you!) and handed it over after repetitious 'Hurry up Mummy I want Dolly' comments from Master 2.
For the uninitiated; the Fashionista doll sings a very catchy (not to mention brain numbing) song about being a 'Fashionista'. Maybe it's just me because I live in tracksuit pants but my GOD she's scantily clad. Perspex skirt, corset (that lights up) and 'eff me' boots - and a Microphone of course because she's a superstar. Anyway whilst taking the Fashionista out of her packaging I happened to notice that it appears she's wearing a G-String!!! See photo below. I did the Marge Simpson 'Hmmmm' and decided to say nothing.
Despite my best attempts to show him how to make Ms Fashionista walk and how she'd maybe like to go to do pee pee's on the toilet (Master 2 is so uninterested in becoming toilet trained it's starting to worry me), or she might like to help pick up his toys; Master 2 had other ideas. The little feral decided that the microphone was a Ninga whacking stick and proceeded to belt Barbie with it and sing 'Fighting-ista'.
After 30 minutes of this carry-on hubby got jack of it singing it's head off and asked for a 'look'. Within half a second he yells out 'Babe; Barbie's wearing a g-string' (I didn't own up to knowing already - instead taking the shocked 'WHAT?!' approach). He then told Master 2 that Barbie needs an operation and proceeded to remove the batteries from her inner thigh. *Sigh* if only he could remove such large masses from MY thighs (and arse)!
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HOT NEIGHBOUR
This story is for one of my BFF's 'Ms K'.... A few weeks ago when our car broke down she dropped the kids and I home after work. As we were driving up the hill she slowed to a snails pace and huskily asked 'WHO.... is..... THAT?' about a nearby resident doing some manly chores out the front of their house.
Let me paint the picture for you - this guy is ripped; from what I can tell he works in construction and loves gardening as his front yard is immaculate. He lives with a wife/ partner and at least 1 child but that does not stop me checking his shit out when I drive past. And he practically advertises; I mean who does gardening in a singlet/ no top and jeans......? An ex Chipmunk I'm sure! But who's complaining? ......Not me!
Anyway the other day on the drive back from 'town' he was behind me in his car (a beaten up old 4wd that didn't go very fast), usually I'm a bit of a 'speed demon' in our V8. To clarify; I don't go over the speed limit but I'm incredibly impatient so I won't go under it either. However on this day I decided to slow right down, crank the tunes, put the windows down and check out my rear-vision mirror. BAD idea.
The drive to our house has a steep hill with lots of winding roads, so instead of concentrating on what I was doing; I was singing Maroon 5 at the top of my lungs and trying to catch sight of a glistening bicep. PHROAR. It was all good until I hit a speed bump in the middle of the road and briefly lost control (of the wheel and my bladder) - thank god there were no cars coming the other way.
I composed myself and carried on; getting my last quick fix before heading off home - only to see Mister Chipmunk crack himself laughing. I can't be sure it was at me (I mean he could have been on the phone and somone told a joke!) But.... I'm pretty sure it was at my ridiculousness. I told you I was the daggiest person anyone could know!
Ms K and I have resolved to start a new exercise regime which consists of walking up and back the steep hill Mister Chipmunk lives on. I'm pretty sure this will be our most successful health kick to date!
~~~~~~~
BAG RAID
Not sure if other people's toddlers do this; but Master 2 LOVES to nick off with my handbag and find 'treasures'. Hubby insists it's a phase as he refuses to even look for the car keys in my bag in fear of what he may find/ the amount of shit he has to sift through to find them!
Regularly I will find the contents of my bag strewn the length of the lounge room and Master 2 quivering in excitement in the corner putting 'lips' on (lip gloss/ lip stick). In fact only today I saw him hastily applying MY roll-on deoderant to his cheeks and lips ....YUCK!
This afternoon - after doing some shopping with all kiddies; we were on the home straight and ready to make dinner. From the back seat I hear 'What the BLOODY hell has he got?!' from DSS (13yo)..... I looked behind and there Master 2 was triumphantly waving a tampon he'd fished out of my bag! For a few moments I was utterly speechless (almost unheard of!) then I let fly: 'Master 2. STOP. GETTING. THINGS. OUT. OF. MY. BAG!'
Because Miss Muffet (6mo) was in the centre seat she must have thought I was yelling at her so she started crying (a cry I've never heard before - a scared cry), then Master 2 cried (certainly not from fear because he disobeys me daily despite begging, yelling, screaming). We spent the trip home with 2 crying babies and DSS sweetly holding Miss Muffet's hand; not making eye contact with me (still hasn't made eye contact actually). I explained to DSS that it was 'unused' but he made no response; hubby however said 'Well, we can see that!!'
What makes it worse is after telling hubby about my how humiliated I was at having my sanitary items waved in all our faces; he told me 'That's ok; it's character building'..... er.... nothing character building is 'good'...!!!!
Hope you all have a brilliant week; To Love To Laughter, To Happily Ever After!
~~~~
BARBIE FASHIONISTA
 |
| The very demurely dressed 'Ms Fashionista' |
This week yet ANOTHER Barbie prize turned up - a Barbie Fashionista. As the packaging was damaged I decided to keep it (rather than regift or sell) and gave to the kids to play with. Also I'm trying in vain to teach Master 2 some gentle role play. Instead of the same old 'dinosaur bite you - you BLEED!' garb.
Upon Master 2 waking from his afternoon nap I introduced him to his new 'dolly' and he was very excited much to manly man hubby's disappointment. I undid it from it's packaging (harder than it seems let me tell you!) and handed it over after repetitious 'Hurry up Mummy I want Dolly' comments from Master 2.
For the uninitiated; the Fashionista doll sings a very catchy (not to mention brain numbing) song about being a 'Fashionista'. Maybe it's just me because I live in tracksuit pants but my GOD she's scantily clad. Perspex skirt, corset (that lights up) and 'eff me' boots - and a Microphone of course because she's a superstar. Anyway whilst taking the Fashionista out of her packaging I happened to notice that it appears she's wearing a G-String!!! See photo below. I did the Marge Simpson 'Hmmmm' and decided to say nothing.
 |
| I may not have worn a G for some time.... but perlease... that is a G! |
Despite my best attempts to show him how to make Ms Fashionista walk and how she'd maybe like to go to do pee pee's on the toilet (Master 2 is so uninterested in becoming toilet trained it's starting to worry me), or she might like to help pick up his toys; Master 2 had other ideas. The little feral decided that the microphone was a Ninga whacking stick and proceeded to belt Barbie with it and sing 'Fighting-ista'.
After 30 minutes of this carry-on hubby got jack of it singing it's head off and asked for a 'look'. Within half a second he yells out 'Babe; Barbie's wearing a g-string' (I didn't own up to knowing already - instead taking the shocked 'WHAT?!' approach). He then told Master 2 that Barbie needs an operation and proceeded to remove the batteries from her inner thigh. *Sigh* if only he could remove such large masses from MY thighs (and arse)!
~~~~~~~
HOT NEIGHBOUR
This story is for one of my BFF's 'Ms K'.... A few weeks ago when our car broke down she dropped the kids and I home after work. As we were driving up the hill she slowed to a snails pace and huskily asked 'WHO.... is..... THAT?' about a nearby resident doing some manly chores out the front of their house.
Let me paint the picture for you - this guy is ripped; from what I can tell he works in construction and loves gardening as his front yard is immaculate. He lives with a wife/ partner and at least 1 child but that does not stop me checking his shit out when I drive past. And he practically advertises; I mean who does gardening in a singlet/ no top and jeans......? An ex Chipmunk I'm sure! But who's complaining? ......Not me!
Anyway the other day on the drive back from 'town' he was behind me in his car (a beaten up old 4wd that didn't go very fast), usually I'm a bit of a 'speed demon' in our V8. To clarify; I don't go over the speed limit but I'm incredibly impatient so I won't go under it either. However on this day I decided to slow right down, crank the tunes, put the windows down and check out my rear-vision mirror. BAD idea.
The drive to our house has a steep hill with lots of winding roads, so instead of concentrating on what I was doing; I was singing Maroon 5 at the top of my lungs and trying to catch sight of a glistening bicep. PHROAR. It was all good until I hit a speed bump in the middle of the road and briefly lost control (of the wheel and my bladder) - thank god there were no cars coming the other way.
I composed myself and carried on; getting my last quick fix before heading off home - only to see Mister Chipmunk crack himself laughing. I can't be sure it was at me (I mean he could have been on the phone and somone told a joke!) But.... I'm pretty sure it was at my ridiculousness. I told you I was the daggiest person anyone could know!
Ms K and I have resolved to start a new exercise regime which consists of walking up and back the steep hill Mister Chipmunk lives on. I'm pretty sure this will be our most successful health kick to date!
~~~~~~~
BAG RAID
Not sure if other people's toddlers do this; but Master 2 LOVES to nick off with my handbag and find 'treasures'. Hubby insists it's a phase as he refuses to even look for the car keys in my bag in fear of what he may find/ the amount of shit he has to sift through to find them!
Regularly I will find the contents of my bag strewn the length of the lounge room and Master 2 quivering in excitement in the corner putting 'lips' on (lip gloss/ lip stick). In fact only today I saw him hastily applying MY roll-on deoderant to his cheeks and lips ....YUCK!
This afternoon - after doing some shopping with all kiddies; we were on the home straight and ready to make dinner. From the back seat I hear 'What the BLOODY hell has he got?!' from DSS (13yo)..... I looked behind and there Master 2 was triumphantly waving a tampon he'd fished out of my bag! For a few moments I was utterly speechless (almost unheard of!) then I let fly: 'Master 2. STOP. GETTING. THINGS. OUT. OF. MY. BAG!'
Because Miss Muffet (6mo) was in the centre seat she must have thought I was yelling at her so she started crying (a cry I've never heard before - a scared cry), then Master 2 cried (certainly not from fear because he disobeys me daily despite begging, yelling, screaming). We spent the trip home with 2 crying babies and DSS sweetly holding Miss Muffet's hand; not making eye contact with me (still hasn't made eye contact actually). I explained to DSS that it was 'unused' but he made no response; hubby however said 'Well, we can see that!!'
What makes it worse is after telling hubby about my how humiliated I was at having my sanitary items waved in all our faces; he told me 'That's ok; it's character building'..... er.... nothing character building is 'good'...!!!!
Hope you all have a brilliant week; To Love To Laughter, To Happily Ever After!
you do make me laugh. Am trying to work out which house you mention!
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