Toddler vs Teenage Terrorists

Forgive me blogworld it has been weeks since my last post. I'm now working 4 days a week and have been struck down a couple of times with terrible sickness. The latest; a lovely bout of gastro - ah relief I can now choose whether to vomit or poop ..... rather than both simultaneously! (oh yes..... TMI alert!!!)

However; the wine fridge has never looked so stocked - nor hubby so shocked at my utter lack of desire for my nightly tipple.

Anyway - it's been a fast and furious last few weeks and in between my moans of 'Oh god I feel like shit' from the coach I have been watching my DSS and 2yo son and their ways and I have become convinced that I am living with real life terrorists! I'm sure this is no fever induced hallucination either - it is REAL. As real as the 'Clever Sharp' ads on  TV and the 'Ahh Bra'.... oh yes.... I'm talking 'reality real'.

Following are the cases against each 'guilty' party..... you decide who is 'worst'.

Master 2:

Master 2 is renowned for 'handbag raids'. I have taken to putting my bag in places I hope he will not find (and unfortunately....a few times I've forgotten where I've hidden it also). If he is ever quiet we can be almost 100% sure that he is somewhere in the house with my handbag going through the contents and trying everything out...

• Trying on all my lipsticks/ lipglosses and losing the lid in his efforts to remain incognito - hence now my lipsticks and lipglosses now coat my lips with old muesli bar bits, tissue fluff and smell suspiciously of old banana.
• When master 2 was 15mo he very cleverly managed to get the lid off my acetone nailpolish remover and poured it in my makeup drawer - the entire lot melted. In hindsight - yes I'm glad he didn't drink it, but FFS - he can't won't put his toys away (or do anything else I ask him to do)....!
• The other day I went to get chewing gum out of my handbag and discovered that he had sprayed my entire 'handy handbag sized' perfume all over my gum . NOTE: I did not find this out until I chewed said chewing  gum. Disgusting doesn't even cover it!
• Telling me today he had a poo present ..... erm.... NO poo is a 'present' (suspect he got this term from his father!)

DSS 14yo (yes he's now 14!!)

• Asking me if it's hot or cold weather and if he should wear a jacket and pants or shorts and a t-shirt .... erm sorry but that's up to personal preference .... stop being so darn lazy and check outside - do YOU feel hot or cold?
• NOT asking if friends can come over and just rocking up with them after school and asking me when they're right in front of my face. And when I say no I sometimes get a 'Oh; should I ring Dad and ask him them'.....FFS!!!
• Asking me a question and when I answer it I get a 'yeah I know' response. Sorry pal but if you knew - you wouldn't have asked would ya?

• The worst bit at the moment - and the bain of my life is being ignored or getting the grunt .... I thought the grunt was a myth as DSS was a very chatty child - but no.... it is real! DSS is currently being stalked by 2 Year 7 girls and I offered my advice and opinion very casually (and in a 'cool, hip' way also!) - but was flat out ignored. (this is not a first for being ignored - everytime hubby isn't here i'm banished from the lounge room and am not spoken to at all).
  
  I want to tell him: 'I wasn't always this old... I was once a teenage girl also... I know what I'm talking about you know!' Although - having said that, despite having my fair share of crushes in year 7 I certainly didn't dress up in street-walker-esque garb and parade out the front of my crushes home and yell his name. Today they even knocked on the door! The gall of the little jezebels!
  
  If they do it tomorrow I may just have to shock them out of their little cotton socks - I'm not sure what....but I'll think of something.
  
  I've told hubby I'm going to teach Master 2 to call them DSS's Floozy's. Unfortunately DSS heard me and was less than impressed! RATS - now he'll ignore me.... oh hang on - he already was!
  
  Evil Stepmother? Yep.....(why break such a great cliche?) Over it? DEFINATELY!